I haven't been able to concentrate on anything since I got back. Only Joey. And how much I want to see her again. I tried calling her house but Bessie said she was out. Out? Out where? With who? I'm not sure why she wouldn't have mentioned it to me.
I can't help thinking that maybe she's on her way over here...
Ok. It's been a couple hours. And Joey's not here. I don't know where she is. Could she be out with Jen or Jack or... Hmmm. I wonder what Dawson's doing tonight...
Ok. I just called Dawson's. No answer there either. Hmmm. Should I be worried?
Ok. (How many times can I write "ok"?). Just got an IM from Joey. It's all cool. I guess.
She said sex was nice. Not that there's anything wrong with nice. I mean, nice is great. My dog was nice, the Creek is nice, Buzz was nice... when he wasn't being a brat, rooms at the B and B are nice, no homework is nice, Jen can be nice when you catch her in the right mood (which wasn't today)... so I guess it's acceptable and reasonable that sex would be nice too.
But I don't know - I guess I equate "nice" to other words like "sensible" or "thoughtful" or "polite" which are all fine words in their own right but I'm of a different school of vocab. One that prefers "earth-shattering," "life-altering," "mind-blowing"... now those words have some uumph behind them.
That's all I wanted. A little uumph.
So sex. Can I write about anything else? It's like I'd been anticipating it and hoping it would someday happen for so long, but I never wanted to let myself think about it, let alone write about it, because I didn't want to jinx it. Well, now it has and you can bet that the next 800 journal entries I write will be devoted to it. Well ok, maybe only 700.
Anyway, since the ski trip Joey and I haven't managed to find any time alone. You'd think for two people that essentially have no parental restrictions it would be easier but... nope. Still tough.
There's one thing that's kind of bothering me. I know that Joey is an independent thinker and can make her own decisions... I just hope that having sex with me was what she really wanted. I mean, I know somewhere in the recesses of her beautiful mind she had to think that her first time would be with Dawson. I really hope she doesn't have any regrets. I know I don't.
It's weird though. To be the guy that got the girl. It's nice to not feel like the perpetual third wheel on the "will they, won't they" couple of the millennium. A part of me never thought Joey would choose me... I mean really choose me and I'm so incredibly glad that she did, because there isn't any other girl I would ever want to be with.
Ok, senior polls? That's too much work for something I find completely arbitrary and pointless. I mean, do we really need to see our fate predicted and placed for all posterity in the yearbook? If I'm going to be Class Loser or whatever lame title I acquire, would that be something I'm already aware of?
I hate high school sometimes.
So... it's been a mellow, Joey-less night. Gretchen and I pigged out on a pizza and proceeded to watch the WB for two hours. Not exactly the night I was hoping for but an all right night none the less. I have to say... I'm pretty glad Gretchen came home. If she'd stayed at school, who knows where I'd be right now? Either squeezed in at home between the no-neck monsters or camped out on Dougie's sofa listening to endless recordings of Broadway show tunes. Hmm. I guess things really do work out in the end.
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