I'm stressed. Everyone has college on the brain. Even I do and there's pretty much no chance in hell that I'm even going to college, considering I was promptly rejected from my "safety school"... on my birthday, nonetheless. Oh yeah, and then naturally my un-safety schools didn't exactly bang down my door to admit me, either.
Every day Joey and I go through this "Worthington" waiting game, only to be forced to wait another day... to decide our future. It's aggravating. And to be honest, a little scary. I want Joey to accomplish all her dreams but I can't help being terrified that I'm going to be left behind.
No word from Worthington... again. Jack and Jen are hearing from places left and right and have more choices than they know what to do with, Andie knows, I know... and now it all comes down to Joey and Dawson.
It seems like no matter what we're doing in our lives, it always comes down to Joey and Dawson.
Have I mentioned lately how much I enjoy living with Gretchen? I really love this beach house. When I think about it... this senior year couldn't have turned out much better. No parental units forcing me to eat chipped beef on toast, no Dougie following me around with a coaster everywhere I go, no testosterone-filled battles with Dawson, and best of all, no broken hearts. I mean, Dawson's got Gretchen, Jack's got... well Jen or Tobey - I'm not really sure what's going on with them, and I've got Joey. And even if all those other things fell by the wayside I'd be okay... it's me and Joey... against the world. And Worthington or no Worthington, we're going to be together.
It's weird though. To be the guy that got the girl. It's nice to not feel like the perpetual third wheel on the "will they, won't they" couple of the millennium. A part of me never thought Joey would choose me... I mean, she really chose me and I'm so incredibly glad that she did, because there isn't any other girl I would ever want to be with.
You know what I was thinking about the other day? That monster movie. The one that Dawson was directing - when I was type cast as the Sea Creature from the Deep. And Joey kept accusing me of grabbing her ass! And I kept denying it... even though I was. I actually did it three times, but she only called me on it twice.
It's strange to think about those days. It all seems so long ago but I wonder if there was a part of me that was interested in Joey even then. I'm not sure really. And I don't know why I kept grabbing her ass. I just wanted to for some reason. Maybe if I'd been pulling any other girl off the dock into the water I would have done the same thing... maybe... but I doubt it.
Actually, who am I kidding? I was having sex with my English teacher. I probably would have done just about anything in the name of getting some. :) But I'm sure glad it was Joey's ass I was grabbing.
Joey and I went for a walk tonight. We walked along the creek, past Dawson's house, Jen's house, school, the park... all the way down to the docks and then we just sat together, just staring out at the water with my arms around her. And everything felt so right - everything except that tiny part of me that I'm desperately trying to make forget about what I know. I wish Gretchen had never told me that Joey lied to Dawson about us. No, I don't mean that. I wish Joey had never lied. I wish that that perfect moment could have really been perfect without that unspoken truth between us that she doesn't want to share with me, and that I don't want to admit I already know. Because whether or not Gretchen had told me the truth... Dawson's ghost is always hovering between us, whether or not we bother to look for him.
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