(Pacey is working at the video store watching Anaconda when Joey comes in. He turns off the movie.)
Joey: Look, I need to rent the English Patient.
Pacey: May I suggest to you a movie that doesn't completely blow?
Joey: No, because it was on cable last night, and it put the baby to sleep. In fact, it's the only thing that's put baby to sleep because baby never sleeps, and if baby doesn't sleep, I don't sleep. If I don't sleep, I get angry. I get irritable, and I can no longer maintain my sunny deposition. So, Pacey, if you even have the slightest bit of human decency, you'd rent this movie to me immediately and bring a 181 minutes of peace into my otherwise wretched life. Please?
(Pacey checks the computer than goes to the back of the store to get the video.)
Pacey: Alright, but in my professional opinion, you don't need a video store. You need a pharmacy.
(Pacey gives Joey the video.)
Joey: Anyway, I hear Jen's ex has been lurking around Capeside. Met this strapping young fellow yet?
Pacey: Oh, he's a real charmer. Just about lost three toes to a pair of his steel-belted radials.
Joey: So, what's the paty line? You think she'll go back to him? And return to her wanton New York ways?
Pacey: You know, I really don't know, but if Jen did ditch Dawson for Billy the Kid, wouldn't that please a certain someone we both know?
Joey: Look, you know me, Pacey, I'm not one to stand in the way of true love. But if Jen has a connection to this guy, which seems like she does, you know, what can we do about it?
Pacey: Look, Joey, I've never really taken a particular interest in your life cause frankly your life has never been particularily interesting, but there is one thing I need to know. You're really, really enjoying the fact that Jen's ex is in town, aren't you?
Joey: Well, it's intriguing, Pacey, I mean, even you have to admit that.
Pacey: But you know what? This is the wedge you've been waiting for that's going to drive Jen and Dawson apart, right?
Joey: No, Pacey, you're such...it's not like that at all. You don't know what you're talking about.
Pacey: See, the three of us have been friends too long and up until now, I've just kind of stood idly by and watched this all go down. But it's time to lay this on the line, okay? You have some raging hormonal obsession for our friend Dawson and you just can't wait to get your hooks into him but good, can you? Huh?
Joey: Bite me, Pacey.
(Joey turns around to leave.)
Pacey: Hey, be kind, rewind.
(Joey is working at the Icehouse when Pacey walks in.)
Pacey: Hey, Jo.
Joey: Oh, thank you, Satan, for completing this night of horrors by sending one of your disciples to finish me off.
Pacey: Umm, what are you doing tonight?
(She sets the coffee down in front of a man.)
Man: Excuse me, I didn't order this.
(Pacey follows Joey as she takes the coffee to a woman.)
Pacey: Uhh, forget I said that. Wait...I was just out looking for a date, and since I couldn't find one, I thought of you.
Pacey: So, how 'bout it? Wanna go crash a beach party with me? Huh?
Joey: Oh, gee whiz, you know, as much as that sounds like so much fun, you know, I am kind of busy.
(Joey goes to clear a table, and Pacey continues to follow her.)
Pacey: Come on, Jo, it'll be fun.
Joey: (handing the dishes to Pacey) After I serve the one hundredth million seafood platter, finish picking up the broken glass from the ice maker, scrap the mung out of the viliators, I was thinking maybe of taking my tip money and flying to the Canary Islands and opening an offshore account. What do you think of that? (to a woman at the table) Sorry.
Pacey: You know, when was the last...ok, alright, alright. Damn, Joey, when was the last time you went out and had some fun, alright?
(They put the dishes in a sink.)
Joey: Don't ask.
Pacey: Just go. Besides, Dawson will be there, okay?
Joey: Big whoop.
Pacey: Alone, Joey.
Bessie: (untying Joey's apron) Go.
Joey: It's swamped.
Bessie: Sarah's coming in to cover.
Joey: Yeah, but you need me. You can't handle this by yourself.
Pacey: (pulling Joey) You. Come on, come on. (to Bessie) Slow down, Bessie.
(At Cliff Elliott's party)
Pacey: Alright then. This the best party or what?
Joey: Oh, yeah. Time of my life. I'm ready for the group hug whenever you are.
Pacey: Oh, Melissa Five at one o'clock. Girl of my dreams right there. (looks at what he's wearing) How do I look?
Joey: Like a before picture of an after-geek remover.
Pacey: Easy, doll. Jealousy is not going to get you anywhere.
(Pacey leaves Joey to go after Melissa.)
(Still at the party. Pacey finds a drunk Joey and takes her cup from her.)
Pacey: Not that I care, but you may want to pace yourself with this stuff.
Joey: (leaning against him) Pacey, I know I don't say it enough, but you're a really terrific friend.
Pacey: (pushing her away) Ah, ok, thanks, yeah.
(A guy comes back with another drink for her.)
Guy: Is this guy bothering you, Chloe?
Pacey: Okay, just a couple of things. First, her name is not Chloe, it's Joey, and second, no, I'm not hitting on her. I'm just her friend. (takes the second drink from her) God knows.
Guy: (taking Joey's hand) Well, thanks for the info. We'll catch you later. (to Joey) Come on, let's take a little walk.
(And still at the party. Pacey finds Joey with the guy again. He takes the guy's arms off of Joey.)
Pacey: Alright, Jo. Say good-bye to the nice serial rapist man.
Guy: You again, a-hole! She doesn't want to leave.
Joey: Come on. Please leave, Pacey.
Pacey: (grabs the guy away from Joey) Alright, cowboy. Party's over.
(The guy tries to hit Pacey, but Pacey hits him first.)
Pacey: (rubbing his hand) Oh, ow!!
Dawson: (rushes over) You alright?
Pacey: Uh, yeah. Fine. oh, ow!!
(Dawson goes over to where Joey had fallen on the ground.)
Joey: Dawson, thank you. You're my hero.
Joey(Pacey just stares at Joey.)
[Joey should know better that it would be Pacey, not Dawson, who would save her. It's Pacey who has the white knight/hero complex after all. ;)]
(Dawson and Pacey are helping Joey into her house.)
Pacey: You know, this probably is not the brightest thing you've ever done.
Joey: Shut up.
Dawson: Dude, we got to be quiet. If Bodie sees her like this, she's dead.
Pacey: Yeah, I know. Listen, you two stay here. I'm going to go ahead. (to Dawson) You think you can handle lush life by yourself?
(Joey leans against Dawson, and he takes her inside.)
Dawson: (to Pacey) Dude, whatever you do, don't wake up the baby. (to Joey) Okay, okay, alright, we're going to walk.
this in just cuz I know how we all love Pacey with Alexander.]
(Pacey goes into Alexander's room. He accidentally steps on a squeaky toy, and the noise makes Alexander start crying.)
Pacey: Uh oh. Hey, heya little man (he rocks the baby) Just bringing drunk Aunt Joey in. Why don't you just go back to sleep?
(Pacey is trying to quiet Alexander down)
Pacey: Shh, shh, shh. Come on, little guy. Come on. You want that? (gives him a pacifier) Right in there. Come on, God, there's got be something to quiet this kid down.
(Pacey tells Alexander about the English Patient.)
Pacey: So then, the guy who ends up being the English Patient and the girl, they're stranded in the cave, and she looks up at him. She's like oh, please don't leave me. Promise me, you'll come back someday. And he turns around-Hey, hey, listen, listen to this-he turns around, and he's like don't worry, darling, I'll come back for you, unless of course, my plane is shot down by Nazis, and my face is burned beyond recognization after cutting off William Dafoe's fingers.
(Dawson walks in quietly.)
Dawson: (whispering) Let's go, let's go.
Pacey: Alright. (to Alexander) Sleep tight, little man.
Season 1 Lines/Banter Index