109: Modern Romance/Double Date

[This is my favorite Season 1 episode.  Wonder why? ;)]

(Pacey and Joey are being paired up for an extra credit project in Marine Biology.)

Joey: Hi, Dr. Rand. (Joey sees Pacey in the room.) Oh. Um, I can come back if you need some time.

Dr. Rand: No, No, you're right on schedule. Joey, I'd like you to meet your new lab partner.

Joey: Him?!

Pacey: Her?! Dr. Rand, I'd like to log a formal protest. You never told me I was going to be working with a repressed control freak.

Joey: Yeah, and you never said my grade was dependent on helping some remedial underachiever.

Dr. Rand: Well, wonderful. I see no introductions are necessary.

Joey: (mumbles) No.


(Pacey and Joey are looking into an aquarium with snails in the biology room.)

Pacey: Boy, this is fascinating.

Joey: I'm sorry there are no cartoons to make this interesting for you, Pacey. But it's not designed to be fascinating. It's designed to be educational.

Pacey: Thank you, Dr. Schweitzer. You know, refresh my memory of why we're here again.

Joey: We're observing the reproductive process of pomenatis snails [Or whatever these snails are called. Anyone know? Email me.], and Dr. Rand said that they reproduce more when they're happy so by varying the contents of the tank, we can determine which factors are most condusive to reproduction.

Pacey: Well, why didn't you just say that? We'll buy them a couple of drinks, turn off the light, and come back in a couple of days.

Joey: You never fail to disappoint me, Pacey. I mean, why did I actually think the very real prospects of repeating Marine Biology next summer might cause you to take this project seriously?

Pacey: You mean, summer school? It will never happen. Only morons go to summer school.

Joey: Yeah, well the last time I checked you're pulling a stellar F minus, so without this extra credit project, Pacey, I'm very well certain that you're grade will not only place you squarely among the morons, but you may very well be their leader.


(In the biology room)

Joey: Pacey, it was your responsibility last night to check on these snails and now look at them. They're dead. Their shells are completely empty.

Pacey: I know it. I'm sorry. I really am.

Joey: Ridiculous. I mean, yesterday we had a science project, and now we have what? Two-thirds of a charm bracelet? Look I'm going to tell Dr. Rand that this experiment within an experiment just isn't working out.

Pacey: Hey, before you go run off to Dr. Rand, there is an explanation for all this. There is. Alright. You know how you said this experiment was all about seeing which environment was best for the snails, right? So I did come in last night, and I was watching the snails, and I'm watching the snails and nothing's happening. So I added some food, and then I added some water ,and there was still nothing happening in there, so I thought the problem maybe wasn't the environment. Maybe these snails just didn't like each other. Right? Maybe they just needed to loosen up a little bit.

Joey: Pacey, I told you yesterday. Pomenatis snails are single-sexed they don't need another organism to reproduce.

Pacey: Alright, and I would have remembered that if I actually listen when you talk to me, but I just thought that maybe snails are just like guys, ya know, that their ultimate fantasy is to be with two female snails at the same time. Right? Maybe that's what this project needed to get moving along.

Joey: Let me get this straight. You tried to create some sort of a snail menage a trois?

Pacey: Well, it sounds stupid when you say it out loud, but it... I just saw this really pretty snail over in the tank over by the window... and, I don't know, last night it just seemed really brilliant.

Joey: Let me fill you in on something here. You know this pretty little snail over here by the window? It's what you call a carnivore snail. And do you know what carnivore snails eat?

Pacey: Other snails.

Joey: Yeah. Other snails. Other snails such as our snails. Such as the snails that we're desperately relying on to raise our marine biology grade.

Pacey: Okay. I'm sorry. Okay? I know how important this project was for you-to us, okay? So whatever I need to do-however I can make this up to you, Joey.


(Joey is in front of her house talking to Dawson about his double date with Jen.)

Dawson: ...Anyway, Pacey says I should look at this as an oppurtunity.

Joey: Wait you're taking romantic advice from a guy who spent his evening trying to get three snails to sleep with each other?


(Pacey pulls up in the truck and honks the horn twice.)

Pacey: (leaning out of the truck's window) Come on, Joey, let's get a move on.

Joey: I see, my deviant lab partner has arrived. Pacey has graciously volunteered to transport me to the tidal pool, so we can find a pair of suitable replacement snails. See ya.


(Pacey and Joey are rowing down the creek.)

Pacey: I've often regarded patrolling for snails as one of the more underrated ways to spend one's leisure time.

Joey: You know, despite what you may think, this isn't my first choice for a Saturday afternoon either. But then again I wasn't the one who tried to turn our aquarium into Plato's retreat, now was I?

Pacey: You know, actually Joey, I'm really curious about something. I thought you were this great student, so uh, what happened to you on this midterm, huh?

Joey: What do you mean what happened?

Pacey: What grade did you get? Was it a massive failure like mine or was it one of those near misses? I'm dying to know.

Joey: You know, we're almost there, and we don't have a lot of time, so let's just save the chit chat for later, okay?


(Pacey and Joey are out by the creek, looking for snails.)

Joey: Alright, Pacey, the water's getting pretty high, so we should probably... (she looks down to see their rowboat drifting
away) Pacey!

Pacey: What?

Joey: Please tell me you tied our boat up, and the one floating downstream is not ours.

(Pacey follows Joey's gaze and spots their rowboat floating away.)

Pacey: I tied our boat up, and the one floating downstream isn't ours?

Joey: Great.


(Pacey and Joey are wadding through the creek.)

Pacey: Look, it's no big deal. The boat will wash ashore eventually.

Joey: You know, believe it or not, the boat isn't my first concern. I should have known after what you did with our snails that I wouldn't be far behind. I'm freezing.

(Joey stumbles, and Pacey helps her up.)

Pacey: Listen, it's just a little cold water, alright? You're going to survive. It's a prediction I make with all due regret at this point.

Joey: Clever. Speaking of survival, I thought creatures of your brain power went extinct a few years back.

Pacey: You know, it's amazing. A personality like yours and you still can't get any dates.

Joey: Even more amazing. A personality like yours, and you can.


(Pacey and Joey finally make it to shore. He grabs some blankets from the truck and hands one to Joey.)

Pacey: We'll get some dry clothes when we drive over to your house, but for right now, just change into this.

Joey: A blanket? You want me to change into that?

Pacey: Yeah. Take off your wet clothes, wrap this around you like I'm going to do.

Joey: Wait a second. You want me to get naked?

Pacey: Please! This is not for my enjoyment. It's so you don't get sick, but if you got your heart set on pneumonia then feel free.

Joey: Fine.

(They go to opposite sides of his truck and change.)

Pacey: And no peeking.

Joey: Oh yeah, the thrill of seeing you in your birthday suit is really my idea of a thrill.

Pacey: You know, a lot of people would consider you a very lucky woman.

Joey: And many people would consider you a very deluded man.

Pacey: Okay. All set over here. How are you doing?

(Pacey starts heading towards Joey.)

Joey: You take one more step in this direction, and I can almost guarantee you a permanent disability.

Pacey: Tell you what. Why don't I just start the car?

Joey: Good idea.

(Pacey gets in the driver's side of the car gets comfortable. He glances in the side mirror to catch a sight of Joey undressing. Joey gets into the truck when she is done. She looks at Pacey who is staring at her.)

Joey: What?

Pacey: Nothing.

Joey: What? What's that smile of yours? Because I look ridiculous?

Pacey: No.

Joey: Or is it my misfortune that amuses you? Maybe it's simply you enjoy putting me in the most awkward situations and just watching me squirm, Pacey?

Pacey: No, it's none of that. I was just-I was just thinking to myself that when you loosen up, you're not half bad to be around. Bordering on funny, even.

Joey: Home, Jeeves.

Pacey: Yes, Miss Daisy.

(Pacey starts the car and heads back to Joey's place.)


Pacey: Thanks for the clothes, Jo.

Joey: Well don't thank me. Thank Bodie. They're his.

Pacey: You know, Joey, we are on dry land, and you never did answer my question.

Joey: What question was that?

Pacey: Your mid-term grade. Listen, I know you're a little embarrassed, so let me just remove the stigma. I got somewhere in the neighborhood of a 32.

Joey: Pacey...

Pacey: C'mon, Joey, just toss it out there.

Joey: No.

Pacey: No. Okay, then let me guess at it... 58... 38... 18...

Joey: 98.

Pacey: 9, 8? Which one was it a 9 or an 8?

Joey: Both of them, okay?

Pacey: Okay. I assume there's a suitable explanation for that story. Right Jo?

Joey: You want an explanation? Look around you, Pacey. Look at what my life is. I mean I'm a border in my sister's house, I share my bedroom with the living room, and my social life consists of a part-time job. And as far as I can tell, there's only two ways to make my life better. The way that doesn't involve waking up and discovering it's all been a dream involves a college scholarship. And when I apply, I better have the grades that don't give them a choice because a scholarship is pretty much my only way out of Capeside. And if I don't get out of here, Pacey... Well, I'll be a sadder story than I care to imagine.

Pacey: You don't have to worry, Jo. You're going to make it outta here. You're going to go to some great school and send me postcards back here. I'll be tending bars or pumping gas.

Joey: C'mon, Pacey, you'll get out too.

Pacey: Yeah, if the circus hire. Tell you what though... Don't bet against that Potter girl.

(They smile at each other.)


(At the carnival.  Dawson is sitting by himself on a bench when he spots Pacey and Joey.)

Dawson: What are you guys doing here?

Joey: Just checking out some of the famous Capeside night life.

Pacey: Oh, uh, actually I need to talk to you, Dawson.

Dawson: Okay.

Pacey: In private.

Dawson: Alright.

(They walk away from Joey to talk.)

Pacey: How's tonight going for you?

Dawson: Put it this way-Terribly. You?

Pacey: Not bad actually. Um and that's what I'm here to talk to you about. I kinda have to ask your permission for something.

Dawson: Permission?

Pacey: Yeah. You know that Joey and I have never particularly liked each other. Right? That's why it seemed like such a bad idea when we got stuck together on that marine bio thing. Funny thing is... It wasn't. And somewhere and somehow in there, I not only stop disliking her so much, I actually sorta came to like her.

Dawson: As a friend.

Pacey: At first.

Dawson: At first implies that your feelings for Joey have gone beyond the friendship stage.

Pacey: Good because that's exactly what I meant to imply.

Dawson: You have the hots for Joey? (Start laughing) Pacey, what are you like inhaling too many lab chemicals? You and Joey are mortal enemies.

Pacey: Hey, would you mind keeping your voice down? This isn't exactly public knowledge at this point.

Dawson: You're serious?

Pacey: Yeah!

Dawson: Okay. So you like Joey. What do you need my permission for?

Pacey: I don't know how to say this, but I know you two have this long tortured subtext together. I just-I just wanted to make sure that if I were to do something about this, like kiss her or whatever, that I wouldn't be stepping on any toes.

Dawson: You're my friend. Joey's my friend. And I don't care who she kisses. And if it's you, so much the better. You know, I mean, my two best friends... kissing. What could be better than that? [I can't think of anything better. Anyone else? Hee.]

Pacey: Great. So then you're cool with it?

Dawson: Yeah.

Pacey: Excellent. Alright, Dawson.  I'll see ya later.

Dawson: Alright.

(Pacey starts walking away when Dawson stops him.)

Dawson: No. Wait. I'm not cool with it.

Pacey: You're not.

Dawson: No.

Pacey: So what do we do now?

Dawson: Nothing. Nothing. Just-You know what? 'Cuz I am fine with it. Momentary lapse there. I couldn't be more fine with it. Yeah. Go for it. Kiss her. Go ahead. You have my blessing.

Pacey: You're sure this time?

Dawson: Absolutely. Definitely. Yeah.


(In front of Joey's house)

Pacey: So am I going to have to fail another midterm or can we do this again sometime?

Joey: Well, we still have a report to finish, Pacey, so I'm pretty sure we're going to spending a lot of time together.

Pacey: Actually that's not what I was talking about, Joey.

Joey: Then what did you mean?

Pacey: Well, let me put it to you this way...

(Pacey kisses her, but Joey pushes him away.)

Joey: Pacey! What the hell was that for?

Pacey: Well if I have to explain myself, it clearly didn't have the desired effect.

Joey: Why in the world would... Well, I guess I know why you would... Why would you?

Pacey: Why would-'Cuz I had a nice time today. A nice time that exceeded my wildest expectations. I was confused, and surprised. And attracted. You?

Joey: Well... Confused and surprised.

Pacey: Not-

Joey: Sorry.

Pacey: Okay. I can deal with the rejection pretty effortlessly. So long as we don't extend this really awkward moment any longer than we have to.

Joey: Okay. Goodnight, Pacey. I had a nice time too today. See ya.

(Joey starts heading inside when Pacey stops her.)

Pacey: Jo?

Joey: Yeah?

Pacey: By some slim chance if you would actually kissed me back, you would have probably been thinking about someone else, right?

(Joey gives him her half-smile and goes inside.)


(Pacey is working at the video store watching The Three Stooges when Dawson walks in to talk to him.)

Dawson: Pacey! I figured you'd be here. So listen what we talked about before, what you asked me, I changed my mind. I don't want you to do it.

Pacey: You're going to have to refresh my memory, so we're on the same page here.

Dawson: You know what I'm talking about, Pacey.

Pacey: Joey? You don't want me to kiss Joey? Whoo. You seem a little worked up here, Dawson. I don't know how to break this to you.

Dawson: Break what to me?

Pacey: Well, you're a little late.

Dawson: You kissed her?

Pacey: Oh, yeah. Not only that she kissed me back. Right there in the front seat of the Witter family truck. We played tonsil hockey for about an hour. She invites me in, but it was a little late, so I didn't. But she's cooking for me tomorrow night. She said she's always wanted to cook for the right man. I guess she's found him. We're thinking about heading up to this cozy little B&B up the coast, spend a little quality time this weekend.

Dawson: You're so full of it.

Pacey: Yes I am. And so are you.

Season 1   Lines/Banter Index