I did it. I can't believe I actually did it! I've never done anything this impulsive in my life before. Certainly not with Dawson. Though the ironic thing is that even Dawson's made impulsive decisions before just not with me. Maybe we hold each other back...the way the anchor holds the boat to shore. I can't believe I am doing this. I can't believe I just left. I can't believe how many ports have Internet access...Pacey says they all do. Who knew?
Subject: re: Don't Kill Me...
Don't kill you? You're just lucky you're not within throwing distance! Joey---How could you just get on a boat without talking to me? How come Pacey's parents were going to let him go alone?
Bodie thinks it's pretty cool. He's glad that you're finally getting the chance to actually enjoy your summer instead of spending it on here with us, which, by the way would have actually been quite HELPFUL. But anyway, after I calmed down, I realized maybe Bodie was right. Well, partially. I mean, couldn't you have enjoyed your summer and explored your relationship with Pacey and all that without actually hopping on a boat to Key West? I mean isn't there some activity the two of you could have come up with that wouldn't have involved me worrying about you every single second for the next two months? Maybe it was selfish but I guess I sort of was looking forward to you actually being around the B&B all summer. I'm not even sure I can do it without you.
But...I didn't set out to write this to chastise you. You chastised yourself enough.
Bodie and I want you to have a good time. Write as often as possible.
I miss you. I love you. Be careful!
I kind of did something crazy today. You'll laugh actually. Well, okay...maybe you won't. But it is funny...in a sort of not funny way. I'm writing to you from a port. Yes, a port. I'm not sure exactly which one. About 15 miles south of Capeside I guess. See, well, it's a long story but Pacey was leaving for the summer on his boat. He was about to pull anchor and sail to Miami and back alone and I just knew...I just knew that I had to go with him. I knew that if I didn't I'd always regret not knowing what would have happened.
I can't live with that kind of regret. And so I did the most impulsive thing I've ever done in my entire existence and I got on the boat and went with him. I don't know how long I'll be gone. Most of the summer probably.
I know I should have talked to you first but...I didn't even have time to think let alone get my permission slip signed. I'm so sorry for leaving you with out my help at the B&B this summer. But I've worked every summer since I was thirteen years old, and I'll probably work every summer for the rest of my life after this one and I just knew it was my only chance. I promise if you ever let me back in the house I'll never abandon you again...I just have to do this right how. I'm sorry, Bessie. I hope you can find a way to forgive me though you're probably looking for someone to throttle in the near vicinity about now...
Give my love to Alexander and Bodie. Tell them I promise to make it home in one piece.
Write back if you can. I can check this from the next port apparently.
I thought Bessie would be even more
mad than she was. Not that she was exactly brimming with elation.
At least she has the whole summer to simmer down. I can't help wondering
if I did the wrong thing. I mean, I certainly did the irresponsible
thing! I've never, ever been irresponsible. But Dawson had
his chance. He spent the entire year shirking off every normal, responsible,
pragmatic Dawson Leery bone in his body. Maybe now it's my turn.
I lifted this (an anchor) up into the boat and that was it. Good-bye Capeside, Hello first actual fun summer of my life! With Joey as my first mate (OK so she was a last minute save)! I actually told my dad that I wasn't going alone. I would have been pretty screwed if he ever found out...Plus it's also a good thing cause I just realized I don't really have any cash on me. At least she has her ATM card. But now there's nothing for Dad to find out cause Joey and I are all set to ride sweetest ship to ever set sail on the Atlantic! Just Joey, me, and the great blue yonder! I hope she brought soem snacks too...I'm starved! Later.
Joey says you told her to come with me. I don't know if "thank you" is appropriate at this time, but...Well, I guess actually it's not. I know it's not. I'm happy as hell right now that Joey is with me but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't ripping me up inside knowing what I did to my best friend. I still consider you the best friend I've ever had, Dawson. Even if you never speak to me again, you'll still be the best friend that I've ever had. You were there for me when no one in my family ever was, and you were my friend when no one else would be. I'm sorry that what happened between Joey and me hurt you as much as it did.
Do you think you can forgive me? It's probably not the best time to ask you that. I don't know what's going to happen between Joey and me right now. I never planned for any of what's happened to happen, so it's a little hard for me to predict event the next forty-eight hours. Plus I seem to have forgotten my seafaring map at the last port, so I'm not even sure when I'll see land again, but that's another story...
I wrote this but I never sent it. I gave up about halfway through. But, man, what was I suppose to do? Can I really ask my best friend's forgiveness and thank him for letting me borrow his ex-girlfriend for my summer cruise down the coastline? That's kind of like adding major insult to extremely painful injury isn't it? I don't know what to do about Dawson. Maybe I don't care. Maybe I just wan to enjoy my summer on my own terms, instead of playing a supporting role in whatever movie Dawson has decided our summer's going to be...
Summer Diaries Lines/Banter