I know. You're probably pretty surprised that I'm writing to you. But it feels weird to be so out of touch with everybody and as you can probably guess, communicating with just about anyone else back home is a little dicey. So, you're the lucky winner of the Joey Potter letter. So...uh, how's your summer going? Pacey and I just left Atlantic City. You're probably been there, so it's nothing special for you, but I've never been anywhere, as you know. So for me this is kind of a big deal.
I still don't know what is going on between Pacey and me. All I know is that I love being here with him. He's like this whole new person to me - nothing like the boy I grew up with who made lewd remarks in gym class and who brought whoopie cushions into third grade class. He's turned into this amazing...fantastic...romantic guy.
We haven't had sex. Since I know you that's probably what you're wondering. I just don't feel ready or something...I'm scared, I guess partly. I'm not exactly experienced in that area and he is. Plus I have an irrational fear of pregnancy thanks to my not so self-restrained sister. Advice???
Well, I gotta go. We're going to drop anchor for the night. I hope everyone's okay. And do me a favor, if you can...Don't tell them you hear from me. I don't want to make things any worse with anyone...You can't really write to me but if you send me an email i'm likely to get it at some port along the way...
I sent Jen a letter. Well, who else am I going to write to? Certainly not Dawson. Not after what's happened. I somehow doubt things will ever go back to normal for us... Not Andie. I know she will never understand what happened between Pacey and me. I don't understand it either. I just know that there is a feeling inside of me that I can't control. Something that feels right, that makes me feel...I don't know, tingly and warm and sort of safe, i a strange way. Anyway, I couldn't write to Jack because Andie would see it so I ended up writing to Jen. I didn't tell her everything there was to tell. But I felt the need to share this with someone... and she's the only person I know who wouldn't be hurt by it.
Pacey is totally insane! We managed to make it to New Jersey! We docked in Atlantic City of all placese and Pacey and I went ot a casino! I couldn't believe they didn't card us. I've never seen a casino before... it's the most overwhemling experience of my life. There is absolutely nothing in Capeside that I can possibly relate this to.
But in Pacey's rush to leave a day
early, he left the money he'd set aside for this trip at home, and I told
him I wasn't exactly loaded, even if he did pay me back. So he insisted
on putting his last five dollars and five of mine in a slot machine - and
we won $480! Leave it to Pacey. I just... I would never think
to even do something like that. My whole life has always been about
saving up, saving every last penny, and money not growing on trees and
all that. Well, apparently it grows under flashing blinking lights.
Pacey thought we should try for more, but I insisted that we leave before
I headed down a spiral path leading straight to Gambler's Anonymous.
So we took our boon and ran with it. This is an amazing place.
And Pacey is an amazing person.
Joey drew this while we were sailing the other day. She is so talented. Seriously. When I try to draw it ends up looking like the work of a deranged toddler. But Joey's - hey, I know I'm a tad biased here, but I think they should be in a museum or something! Her artwork is so alive...so real. She told me this is the first time she's been inspired in months. I feel the same way. She inspires me like no one, like nothing ever has. I'm beginning to realize why I built this boat, cause when I started I must admit, I didn't have a clue. It was just something to get me out of the house. But now, I think I know why I built it. I built it for her.
Yeeessss! "Croupier" has nothing on Joey and me. We just won $480 in Atlantic City. I'm the man. I'm so the man.
Well...actually Joey was the one who pulled the lever (she though that would be more fun than pressing the button) on the Triple Diamond machine. So I should credit her with this accomplishment. And watching Joey's eyes light up... for the lack of a more erudite phrasing - let's just say they were brighter than all the lights in Atlantic City. At least, to me they were... Now, I must get back to the helm so we can high tail it out of here before someone realized they neglected to card us.
Summer Diaries Lines/Banter