Well, I know I'm not in Massachusetts anymore... Pacey and I had grits at breakfast on Wrightsville Beach in North Carolina! You wouldn't believe how much these people consume at the crack of dawn - I ordered the kid's meal - and still ended up with eggs, bacon, sausage, grits, hash browns, and a biscuit! All of which were actually delicious - We better not stay here long or Pacey will end up needing TWO boats to take me home! Actually, this place reminds me a little of Capeside. Thruthfully, it made me a little homesick and missing Bodie's blueberry pancakes - but Pacey always know the best way to cheer me up. He mimicked the Southern accents well enough that everyone believed him! Lucky thing - last thing the folks back home need to see is the headline "Drawl Brawl: Teenagers wounded after offending native southern speakers with lame ass attempt to imitate speech." But somehow Pacey manages to act first and think later, always meeting with success, whereas my carefully planned, cautiously executed maneuvers almost always leave me stagnant with inertia or consumed with regret. But today he grabbed my hand and we ran down the beach adn straight into the ocean - fully clothed! We got soaked and I didn't care. He's teaching me how to experience life, instead of just watching it happen with a cynical wit to mask my insecurities. Have I mentioned how amazing he is? Sun's in my eyes now... gotta go below deck.
Pacey actually made this ring for me out of a shell he found on the beach! I couldn't believe he did it, but I guess if the guy can rebuild a boat, a ring probably doesn't fall into the complex realm. But I still can't believe he did it. I mean, who besides Pacey would even think to do something like that?? But I think really the reason is that he doesn't like the fact that I have the necklace Dawson gave me. He's paranoid that I'm launching a secret airlift mission for Dawson to swoop in and rescue me from the terrible mistake I've made. But the truth is, I don't think I made any mistakes. I have no regrets. When we went out to breakfast this morning Pacey was outside with the boat and I came in to get a table. The waiter asked if I was alone - and I just without thinking said, "No, I'm waiting for my boyfriend." It just slipped out and then I realized I meant it. I've never really been able to think of anyone like that before. Jack and I never quite got that far and Dawon... well, I always just think of him as Dawson. There aren't really any words for that role. But Pacey and I are a couple now, I think... And this trip has been the most amazing, eye-opening experience I've ever had. Not that that's hard when you've spent your entire life in Capeside. It hasn't been perfect, but I'm learning so much more than I'd ever have learned at home. About Pacey --- and about the world.
So people actually eat stuff called "grits" - and believe it or not, it's pretty darn edible. Joey was so quiet this morning. I shouldn't have laid into her like I did over her writing to Jen. But I just feel like I've opened up so much to her - I've let her know me in a way that no one ever has. It's like we've found this - this thing that we both finally know is right - and yet she doesn't trust that love enough to test that love. I put my faith in her like I put my faith in this boat to stay afloat. She was afraid I would be angry - and justifiably so, because I was angry. But that couldn't make me stop loving her. I didn't even stop loving her when she chose Dawson over me. And I sure as hell am not going ot stop loving her now simply because she needed a friend. But she didn't trust me enough to know that. Joey reminded me that the way she saw it, I broke up with Andie when she made one mistake, and that she was afraid that if she made one mistake she would lose me, too. But maybe we learned something, here. Maybe she's learning trust, and I'm learning forgiveness.
Okay - so Dougie sent me my money without giving me too much grief over having forgotten it. He's got his own problems patrolling the streets for dangerous criminals committing such egregious offenses as running red lights and jaywalking across main street. This means Joey and I can actually afford the rest of this cruise. The boat is frixed... and then Joey said she wants to go to Disney World while we're in Florida, and that wasn't exactly in our impromptu Atlantic City budget. Neither one of us has ever been there - and I just got this image in my head of taking a picture of Joey Potter with Mickey Mouse and it's been making me smile all day!
I wonder how much that place costs. Not to mention Orlando isn't exactly considered "costal" by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, it's pretty much as far as you can get from the coast in Florida. But we'll figure something out. In the mean time, we're cruising down the North Carolina coast - which looks just like Capeside except warmer and more mosquito-filled. If I get one more bug bite I'm going to be scarred for life from scratching the damn things. I'm getting mutilated by these things and Joey hasn't gotten one bite! She thinks it's some lotion she's wearing or something. In the meantime... I'm going to give Joey some more steering lessons... unfortunately she doesn't drive the boat much better than she drives a car...
Summer Diaries Lines/Banter